How to logically find a Good Man

man-hunt2by the Solitary Grey Pony

When someone asks this question, they are actually asking two questions: Where to find a good man, and how to hang on to him?  How to hang on to a great man you’ve found involves several chapters yet to come,  let’s deal with the ‘where’.

This involves you answering the question of what you are looking for in an ideal relationship for you.  Since this takes time and honesty, the easy path is often chosen.

In 2011, 88% of singles said that the place they go to meet someone was the All-American Bar.   It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that when you go into a bar, what you will find is people drinking.  Here is the first red flag that gets to be addressed for those looking for a healthy, loving relationship.  Alcohol is addicting and the chances of people in bars having an addiction to alcohol is rather high.  What you get to realize is that any addiction will always take highest priority in a person’s life… ALWAYS!  You might luck out with being second down on the list, (usually 4th or 5th) but you will never be number 1.  A relationship with an addict is often frustrating, so investing your time into that relationship is likely to be a waste of time.  Once it has ended, the only positive things to pull from it are any lessons about yourself and life that, if you can see it and learn, you may prevent yourself from doing it again.

Drunk people can be very funny, so if you’re looking for entertainment.. go right ahead and enjoy the show at the bar.  Have a few laughs and know that any connections made are probably short term, and likely to last only a few hours.  If there is a great guy in that bar who is looking for a permanent person in his life, the chances you would be able to weed him out of all the social recreation is unlikely… even if he is there.  I am not saying that it is impossible or that there have not been lasting relationships found in a bar.  I am just saying it is a real long-shot.  If you are looking for someone who likes art, go to a museum.  if you really want a spiritual person, go to a church.  If you love books… Barnes and Noble.

Grocery stores are great places to meet single men, the items in a guys basket is a plethora of information.  You can tell if they are shopping for a family or for a guy’s night out.  Everyone has to eat, but who does the shopping?  Single guys shop for themselves… junk food will be purchased.  Family men buy family essentials.  Higher end grocery stores attract different people.  Avoid Wal-Mart Supercenter.

The Gym.  People who go to the gym are making the effort to take care of themselves physically.  You might be one of those fit people.  If you prefer a healthy lifestyle, then someone who values fitness will be a good match for you.  However, many of those guys are personally impressed with their physical appearance. The challenge comes trying to find a partner who thinks they are as good-looking as they think they are.  That man is your biggest competition and could be your worst critic. Good luck.

It’s simple: ask yourself what you get to have in your relationship and go to those places.  Think of the world like a college campus.  If you want an ambitious, smart, focused guy… hang out in pre-med or political science.  If you want a guy who may be making money before he even graduates.. the engineering department will do nicely.  If you want a cute guy with long hair who plays guitar, try the music department.  Note to self:  String players are persevering and dedicated to master a difficult instrument.  These are great qualities for long-lasting relationships.  Guitar players do not fall into this string category.  Piano players do.  Avoid the guys in the student union building.  They are not in class nor are they studying.  They are watching the world go by like a parade, these guys are so easygoing that they probably won’t even have the ambition to get off the sofa and ask you out even if they think you are hot.

Simple… ask yourself what is important to you!  If you want a guy who can afford five bucks for a coffee, hang out in a nicely located Starbucks.  If you are looking for someone who can share your passion for video games, go to a Star Wars Convention.  If you would like a guy who loves animals and is not afraid of good physical work, vacation at a ranch in Wyoming (be ready to move to Wyoming!)

Categories: Relationships

1 Comment

  • Pamela says:

    Love your fun and real perspective. So glad to have found the right guy 3 decades ago, not at a bar, not at the gym, not in the store…I was his brother’s and sister-in-law’s favorite babysitter ;-) Ha!

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